“Did you always know that you wanted to be a parent?” A few weeks ago while recording an episode for our podcast Kindreds, my co-host asked. We talked at length but in short, the answer was, no.
When I was young and single, the idea of having a kid was something that seemed like an eventual, yet distant given for my life. But when the question of whether or not to parent became less abstract, I found myself growing increasingly ambivalent about the possibility.
To start, because of the privileges I enjoy, I was able to make a conscious decision about whether or not I would parent a biological child. I was not limited by infertility, relationship status, finances, or access to health care, for which I am grateful. Thanks to reliable family planning, a pregnancy was something that I could decide I wanted rather than something left to chance. As an advocate for reproductive health and rights, this is what I desire for every person.
The question for us, then, wasn’t could we have a child, but should we have a child? More than any other decision my husband and I would make, including our decision to marry, this would be irreversible not only for for us, but for another person. Was this right for our relationship? Was this right for the world?
Read more at Unfundamentalist Parenting.